My first was BoundCon 2015 in Munich. I went there to buy rope and bondage equipment as a rigger. I had no idea what else happened at these events, so I was disappointed when I realized I had to pay entry just to shop for gear.
Same-day drive up, same-day drive back. My friend and I just walked through the venue, looked at every booth, and I left with one toy. That was it. I felt cheated and figured kink events weren’t really for me.
Today, I know better. I’ve been to BoundCon, Obscene and Passion, just to name a few, regularly for years now, facilitating workshops and exhibiting. I’ve watched hundreds of visitors come through these events, and I can tell who’s going to have an amazing experience and who’s going to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and never come back.
The difference isn’t the event itself. It’s not luck. It’s your mindset going in, how you prepare, and what you actually expect from the weekend.
Rethink What a Convention Actually Is
Most people think it’s primarily shopping. It’s not. Yes, vendors are there. But the real heart of these events is community, learning, testing and connection.
There are workshops on many different contents. Some fairs are more focused on rope, impact play, others more on consent, safety, intimacy, communication skills. There are shows and demonstrations. Some have VIP lounges others play corners where people practice or just hang out together. There are hundreds and thousands of humans who are curious, open, and actively looking to meet other people with similar interests.
When I went to BoundCon thinking “I’ll shop for rope,” I completely missed the actual event happening around me. I didn’t go to a single workshop. I didn’t talk to anyone besides the sellers. I didn’t understand that the entry fee existed because of all this programming, not despite it.
If you approach a fair expecting only shopping, you’ll be disappointed when your budget is small or when you don’t find exactly what you want. But if you go expecting to learn, connect, and see what’s possible, you’ll have a completely different experience regardless of how much money you can spend.
Plan Your Visit — But Adjust Your Expectations
Do your homework. Research the event, check the exhibitor list, look at the workshop schedule. See what is interesting for you. This matters because it helps you to actually engage instead of just drifting.
But here’s the critical part: plan your budget based on what you can realistically spend, not on what you think you should spend. Don’t come expecting to shop if you have 50 euros. Come expecting to connect, to learn, to talk to people, to see how things feel and work in real life. That’s worth far more than a purchase. And if you plan to shop, safe in advance, and always keep in mind that you maybe see something that you desperately want to have.
And if you do have budget to spend, great. But know that many people have their best experiences no matter the euros in their pocket. The difference is expectation. They came to be present, not to acquire.
Take time for your visit. Don’t do same-day drive plus event plus same-day return. If you can, go on a less busy day. Avoid Saturday peak hours as a first-timer if possible. The crowds, the noise, the sensory overload can be genuinely paralyzing. Going on a Friday afternoon or Sunday is exponentially more manageable. You can actually breathe, have conversations, and take things in.
Actually Talk to People (It's Easier Than You Think)
Yes, approaching strangers is uncomfortable. But the people at these events are actively there because they want to meet other people. You’re not imposing.
Many vendors run regular munches where people gather. Walk up and say, “Hey, I’m here for the first time and don’t know anyone. Can I join?” Worst case: they say no. Most likely: you’re suddenly part of a group of people who are genuinely friendly and want to help you navigate.
Read the room. Be respectful. Don’t force yourself on anyone. But asking costs nothing, and the response you get will probably surprise you. Introverts especially: people within this community are often very sensitive with high emotional intelligence, many will notice and try to make space for you and pull you in.
What you’re doing is gathering information, making connections, and learning how this community actually works. That’s the real event.
Practical Things (Because Comfort Matters)
There’s usually no dress code, but dressing in a way that makes you feel good helps. Some people come in jeans and a shirt. Others wear leather, latex, goth, or full kinky outfits. Both are completely normal. Changing rooms are available on-site.
Wear comfortable shoes. You will stand and walk for hours. Hurting feet will ruin everything.
Use the cloakroom. The less you’re carrying, the better. Crowded aisles are stressful when you’re loaded down with bags, and you’ll bump into people or get caught on things.
If vendors only take cash and the WiFi fails, you need some cash. But beyond that, bring what you can afford.
So Go. Actually Go.
Do it scared. Do it with doubt. Do it anyway.
Most first-timers transform over the course of a weekend. But the magic isn’t in the event — it’s in showing up with curiosity and an open mindset.
I’ll always announce where I’m facilitating. So make sure to check out my platforms and follow me to stay up to date.